Untied & Holding

Pricey Weddings & Costly Cohabitations Don’t Set Singles Up for Success

In the United States, Millennials and Generation Z are none too concerned about getting to the altar.

Such are the findings of a survey conducted earlier last year by the Thriving Center of Psychology.¹ According to the U.S. Census Bureau, roughly one in three people aged 15 or older were never married in 2022, up from one in four in 1950. To find out why, the Center interviewed a sample of 906 Gen Z-ers and Millennials who are currently in a relationship but unmarried; ages ranged from 18–42, with an average respondent age of 29. The survey asked a number of questions pertaining to attitudes toward marriage, future plans or hopes, number of children, finances, and more.

Depressingly, the results are indicative of our broader cultural shift regarding marriage. Two in five respondents believe marriage is an “outdated tradition,” and 85 percent don’t think it’s necessary to be married to enjoy a fulfilled, committed relationship. Also interesting is that 70 percent of couples share a pet, and of those, roughly half do not have a plan for their pet if they break up. By contrast, only 15 percent of couples share a child, but of those, 89 percent do not have a plan for their child or children if they break up. (Presumably, once you have a child, you see it as even more unlikely that you’re going to break up.)

Also interesting is that half of all couples cited finances as part of their decision to move in together. It’s sound economics that two can live together more efficiently than apart —they can share rent or a mortgage, utilities, food costs, furnishings, etc. So if you’re going to live together, why the hesitancy to marry?

Too Expensive?

In one of the greatest ironies known to the modern age, 73 percent of survey respondents said “it’s too expensive to get married in the current economy.”

Let’s break that down a little. Marriage, we know, has some amazing benefits, not least of them financial. There is, first of all, the “marriage premium.” Men, and to a lesser extent women, make more money when they’re married. A lot more. As Maggie Gallagher summarizes for City Journal, “Married men make, by some estimates, as much as 40 percent more money than comparable single guys, even after controlling for education and job history. The longer a man stays married, the higher the marriage premium he receives.”² For married women, the higher earnings are there as well but are less pronounced —four percent for childless white women, and 10 percent for blacks. (The higher earnings also tend to decline when children enter the picture.)

Married people also manage their money more wisely and build more wealth together than do their divorced or never-married peers. Gallagher writes, “On the verge of retirement, the average married couple has accumulated assets worth about $410,000, compared with $167,000 for the never-married and $154,000 for the divorced.” Cohabitation, on the other hand, has no relationship to wealth accumulation.

So when surveyed couples say it’s “too expensive to get married,” what can they possibly mean? There are two options. One, they have no idea what the financial benefits of marriage are —but they clearly do have some idea that one household is better than two, since they made the decision to cohabit in the first place. The second option is, I believe, the more likely. It’s the wedding itself that has become too expensive.

According to The Wedding Report, the “average wedding” in 2022 cost a whopping $29,195.³ How, one might ask, is that even possible? Well, in 2022, the average expenses were as follows: the wedding dress: $1,571; cake: $507; venue: $5,767; bar service: $2,673; and wedding planner services: $3,239.

These are some big, big numbers, and it should come as no surprise that the average unmarried couple simply can’t afford them. So instead, they move in together and tell themselves they’ll eventually get married when they have more money to do so. Marriage has become the “capstone,” instead of the foundation. It represents the sum of your achievements as individuals, instead of the bedrock of building your lives together.

Recovering Respect for Marriage

This folly has got to stop, and we can all do our part in making this happen. First, we must all be armed with the relevant research on marriage. As Gallagher summarizes,

Quietly, with little fanfare, a broad and deep body of scientific literature has been accumulating that affirms what Genesis teaches: it is not good for man to be alone —no, nor woman neither. In virtually every way that social scientists can measure, married people do much better than the unmarried or divorced: they live longer, healthier, happier, sexier, and more affluent lives.

The research is on our side here. We simply have to know it so we can assure the younger generations of its truth.

And secondly, we all must be prepared to stand up against the madness of a $30,000 wedding. If you have the money, and you wish to spend it in this way, then by all means, go for it. But the decision to go into debt to get married, or to delay marriage until you can “afford it,” is detrimental to everyone involved.

Let’s normalize less-glamorous weddings. Let’s help out the bride looking for centerpieces, or the groom needing a tux that fits. Let’s pass on the trappings from our own weddings, or come together to hold the reception for a young man and woman who wish to marry.

Let’s make weddings less glamorous and more affordable again. And by all means, let’s preach the benefits of marriage, so that generations of young people might know these deep, significant blessings for themselves and pass them on to their children.

Notes
1. Thriving Center of Psychology, “I Do Not: Gen Z, Millennials Shifting Expectations About Marriage In 2023,” (June 23, 2023).
2. Maggie Gallagher, “Why Marriage Is Good For You,” City Journal (Autumn 2000).
3. “2022 Average Wedding Cost in the U.S. Increased by 7.3% to $29,195,” Wedding Report, (accessed December 20, 2023). Editor’s note: see Rebekah Curtis’s “Bridezilla Revisited” (p. 14) for a more in-depth look at the “average wedding cost” figure.