Marriage Matters

A Review of 'Get Married: Why Americans Must Defy the Elites, Forge Strong Families, and Save Civilization' by Brad Wilcox

In his new book Get Married: Why Americans Must Defy the Elites, Forge Strong Families, and Save Civilization, Brad Wilcox tackles the big questions of why marriage and family formation are in such dire straits and what we can do about it. A sociology professor and director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, Wilcox sets forth a compelling narrative that addresses the situation we are in, counters the marriage-and-family myths trumpeted by elites and the media, and offers attractive alternative snapshots of healthy marriages from different communities.

The Demographics

Wilcox has compiled and interpreted mountains of quantitative and qualitative data, which helps us separate fact from fiction. Some of the statistics are disheartening and downright bleak. Take, for example, how only 32 percent of young adults ages 18–40 think marriage is central to living a fulfilling life. Or consider this stunner: 88 percent of parents believe it’s important for their kids to be financially independent and have careers they enjoy, but only around 20 percent believe it’s important that they marry and have kids of their own. Despite some gloomy numbers, there are bits of hope around the edges, and Wilcox parses out which groups are navigating marriage successfully and explores how religion, conservatism, education, and ethnicity are independently related to marriage formation, stability, and quality.

Wilcox finds four groups doing especially well. Calling them “masters of marriage,” he groups them as follows: the Faithful, the Conservatives, the Strivers, and Asian Americans. While they represent a wide range on the cultural, religious, and ideological spectrums, they tend to do well on what Wilcox terms the five “Cs” of marriage:

• Communion: taking a “we before me” approach to marriage.

• Children: prioritizing the welfare of their children.

• Commitment: keeping divorce off the table.

• Cash: maintaining financial stability.

• Community: surrounding themselves with friends and family who support their marriage.

Alongside these positive portraits, Wilcox also deconstructs myths being put forth by pop culture, mainstream media, and progressive elites:

• The Flying Solo myth: that single living is more satisfying.

• The Family Diversity myth: that any family structure is as equally conducive to thriving as any other.

• The Soulmate myth: that I should follow my heart in marriage for as long as I’m happy.

• The Self-Love myth: that we should love ourselves first and meet our own needs first.

• The Parent Trap myth: that kids make life and marriage miserable.

Wilcox also deftly uncovers how, while progressive elites “talk Left” and endorse these myths in public, in private they “live Right,” in accord with quite traditional marriage norms. He characterizes these elites as “inverted hypocrites.” Driven by prior commitments to progressive touchstones, they are not willing to “‘preach what they practice’ when it comes to articulating a public vision of marriage and family life.” This is especially unfortunate, because, while they personally benefit from stable marriages, they are thwarting the next generation’s prospects for the same by endorsing these myths.

Common-Sense Conclusions

In a society that routinely denigrates marriage and family, Wilcox’s work is a welcome corrective that deserves a hearing in both secular and religious circles. For Christians, his thesis is no surprise, but his analysis and narrative bolster on a natural basis the traditional arguments for family as the bedrock of civilization. Fit for the academy, the newsroom, and the church, his evidence-based approach is one that can resonate with anyone.