Harmonic Convergences

A Reflection on Songs & Sexual Asymmetry

I’ve been listening to music in my garage again. A song that I’ve heard before caught my attention in a new way. “Save Me” by Jelly Roll is a duet, which he sings with Lainey ­Wilson of “Wildflowers and Wild Horses” fame.

In country music, the duet often explores relationships between men and women. While I can’t say it grows out of the tradition of the Old Testament Song of Songs, which is written as a poetic dialogue, it is in harmony with that tradition. The male and female voices each explore their own side of the same situation.

Man & Woman

The relationship between man and woman is a paradox. It is symmetric and asymmetric at the same time. There are two sides: male and female. They are on the one hand seeking the same thing but on the other seeking something different. When their shared purpose is fully achieved, the human race continues for one more round. However, once that new life is begun, there are asymmetrical consequences. The woman bears immediate consequences, and the man must be convinced to share the burden.

One song demonstrating this paradox is “Wait in the Truck,” sung by Hardy, also with Lainey Wilson. This song explores dark, dark corners of male-female dynamics. In its harsh, earthy art, it opens questions about abuse, violence, and the male protective instinct that might be uncomfortable to talk about openly. But we need to ask them, at least to ourselves.

In the history of country music, there have been pairs of singers who were prolific in their production of duets. I say “pairs” instead of couples, because I don’t think they were all romantically involved. Loretta Lynn and Conway Twitty; Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers; Johnny Cash and June Carter; George Jones and Tammy Wynette. The songs they produced together range from the happy little throwaway, “Louisiana Woman, Mississippi Man,” by Loretta and Conway, to the tragic, “Golden Ring,” by George and Tammy.

Two Voices, One Song

Having the advantage of this history to build on, it seems to me the duets of late have become more artful and nuanced in the exploration of relationships. “I Remember Everything,” with Zach Bryan and Kacey Musgraves, is subtle. The language is quite poetic, but the interpretation by the singers is masterful. The song could be sung by one person, but the sharing of verses among the two brings new meaning as each offers different nuances to the exact same lines.

Of all these songs, “Save Me” brings a sacred perfection to this genre. Jelly Roll begins,

Somebody save me, me from myself;
I’ve spent so long living in hell.

He’s not a knight in shining armor rushing to save her. He is calling out for help, for salvation.

Lainey’s verse begins,

What if the night sky
was missin’ the moon?
There were no shootin’ stars to use wishin’ on you?

This seems different. In her interpretation, we hear her as a separate person—the more stable of the couple. But as the chorus comes, we see she is broken herself. They are two people whose broken edges mesh with each other’s.

“Save Me” could be sung as a solo with a single voice. The words would not need to be changed, but oh, so much would be lost.

Herein lies a perfect metaphor for marriage. I can’t explain what I mean by that. You either understand it or you don’t.